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Raw moving to Destination America

World Wrestling Entertainment (WWE) made a surprise announcement today that its weekly flagship television program, Monday Night Raw, will be moving to the Destination America network “just to remind everyone who’s boss.”

During a press conference at WWE’s Connecticut headquarters this afternoon, sports-entertainment mogul Vince McMahon cryptically described the change of networks as a “warning shot.”

McMahon failed to elaborate further, but wrestling pundits believe he was referring to the Ring of Honor (ROH) promotion, which just announced its own television deal with Destination America — a move McMahon reportedly finds “annoying.”

Raw will now go head-to-head on the network against Ring of Honor and, assuming it still exists next week, Total Non-Stop Action (TNA) Wrestling. Some experts are predicting a “ratings war” in which WWE will fight viciously to claim at least 98 percent of the “adult males aged 18-34? demographic, leaving ROH and TNA to quibble over the scraps.

Many industry insiders are puzzled by McMahon’s killer attitude toward harmless smaller promotions, especially since Ring of Honor has become a kind of training ground for wrestlers who have gone on to become top WWE talent, such as Daniel Bryan, Cesaro and Seth Rollins.

According to one source close to McMahon, he is a “megalomaniacal sociopath who has an unquenchable thirst for domination,” though this quote cannot be confirmed because the source wished to remain anonymous, referring to herself only as Stephanie M.H.


[For the record, we hope TNA exists forever].

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